Stoned Love

Of all the things to pause my blogging,
This time I don't deserve a flogging,
A surprise trip to Paris did beckon,
Complete with The Stone Roses while they broke "right into heaven",
When 40 I passed some years before,
Romantic gestures cannot be ignored,
So, I'm sure you'll all agree,
It was worth missing a blog from me!

That was to be my post this week until I decided to share something with you and perhaps canvass opinion along the way. My question is: do we have the right to tell our partners how we like them to look or do we put up and shut up?
I made the catastrophic mistake of telling Bob I'm not a fan of the pregnant gut he's adopted in recent years during what I believed to be drunken, light hearted banter post a superb Stone Roses gig; but what I should have done was gouge out my eyes instead - the consequences would have been far easier to deal with. As far as I'm concerned, my choice of words were not necessarily explosive; had I said, "Slim up fatso or I'm off!" I would not have been surprised to receive a slap in the chops let alone a verbal retaliation; but I didn't. Although, I was rather drunk and perhaps my memory is favouring my version of events, but the whole incident has brought about the question.
Bob and I have been together for twenty four years, I was barely out of long socks when we met and obviously time, children and family deaths have all contributed to the wear and tear on my earthly bones; however, although I don't strive for the size 8 of my twenties, I do try to maintain a certain standard; not quite Bo Derek but not Bella Emberg either; but whatever I'm doing, it seems to be working well enough for Bob. The point is - I'm working on it, not least to remain appealing to Bob, but to help ensure my health and strength for a couple more decades to come.
We all know that men are from Mars and women are from Venus so I don't expect us to always see eye to eye, but when it comes to physical appearances, surely they should take as much interest as us - it is their body after all. I've seen so many men morph into mounds simply because they lack the discipline to put down the bacon butty and reach for the banana. Of course women are not immune to such bouts of weakness, but in mine and Bob's case, I have abstained from enough fatty snacks to maintain a descent BMI, why can't he?
Don't get me wrong, he's not in danger of being winched out of bed by the fire brigade anytime soon; he's not in need of a gastric band or a wired jaw, just a little bit of self-control when in the company of a biscuit tin would go a long way.
Now, I cannot defend my timing seeing as we were in Paris, having just seen The Stone Roses give one of their best performances of their career (in our view), and it was especially poignant as our first trip to Paris together twenty four years earlier had been to see The Stone Roses at that exact same venue, and the whole thing had been organised by Bob, including child care, unbeknown to me (just stone me and get it over with!). A day trip to Hiroshima on the 6th of August 1945 would have been similarly ill-timed, but I'm struggling to see why I can't take an interest in my husband's girth without triggering the row of the century; especially as our numerous years together should already be proof enough of my love and commitment. I'd like to think it's just Bob and his super-sensitive ways, but on our return from Paris, I mentioned the faux-pas to my mum who had a similar reaction to Bob, thus ensuring I alienated two members of my family in my pursuit of optical pleasure.

So, do we put up and shut up? Is it necessary to fancy our partners years into the relationship or do we accept and settle? Personally, I think a bit of both. I don't expect Bob to still look like the David Hasselhoff (honestly, I'll show you the photo! - Or maybe it was just his orange shorts which bore a likeness.) of his youth, but similarly, I'd still like the urge to jump him from time to time. I'll tell you one thing for nothing - I wish I'd stuck to dogs!

I know to comment you have to sign up to Google + and for many the thought of yet another social network link is just too much, and I don't blame you; but if you'd like to drop me a line you can do so at marthatidvyl@gmail.com I'd love to get your views - so long as you all agree with me of course!